It been a long time... Two months long to be exact, but I have a good reason. Let me tell you about it.
Life doesn't always go as we'd planned.
I try not to fill in too many details (one has to trust God right?), but I kind of had my life planned out. Go to college, get married, have two kids, then adopt one or two more, raise a family who loves life and Jesus, grow old with my husband..... Life was going pretty much how I'd planned. Don't get me wrong, it wasn't always smooth sailing, but God is good. So after Owen was born, we started looking into adoption.
I am so excited about adoption. You know that song that says, "Break my heart for what breaks yours" (Hosanna by Hillsong United)? Well, my heart breaks when I think of all the children who don't get kisses when they fall down, who have no one to run to when they are sad or happy, never hear I love you, have no one to comfort them when they wake up with a bad dream, and sometimes are never even held. I mean, tears-streaming-down-my-face breaks my heart. God loves those children, and He has blessed us with a good home and a heart to change the life of one of those precious little lives. I was ready, and Joe was on board too.
So we did our research, decided to go with Bethany Christian Services, filled out our formal application and paid the first fee. The next step was to attend a training up in Seattle. In order to be home study approved, you must complete ten hours of training, and this would count for six of those hours. I was so excited. We were going to learn about the next steps and what to expect, hear from other families, and listen to a panel of birth moms tell their stories. We were a bit late (in true Mogford fashion), and had to sit in the very front. It was a good training, but I soon realized we were the only ones in the room who weren't struggling with infertility issues.
Now I want to be careful that you understand what I mean by what I am about to say. Infertility is a big deal. I am blessed beyond measure with my children, and am thankful we had an easy time getting pregnant, but I know it isn't always that easy, and I know how heartbreaking that can be. I've seen it on the faces of several friends who long with everything in their being to have a child growing inside. But there we were, in a room full of people who had tried for years for a baby and were eventually brought to this room, and I felt like an outsider. I'm sure it was good for me, the one with children, to feel like an outsider for once, instead of all the other ladies in the room who felt like outsiders all the time, but no one likes to feel excluded. Plus I was feeling really tired and kind of cranky.I felt like this training wasn't meant for us. At the end of the day, we got in the car and I felt completely drained. I expected to be energized by all the new information, but it was a long day, full of a lot of information.
We spent the night up in Seattle and acted the tourist all day Sunday. We ate at Ivars', drank Starbucks on the waterfront, had a really hard time finding parking, and even got to watch the Seahawks game from The Hawks Nest sports bar (my favorite part). I still felt really tired, even after getting to sleep, which really never happens with young kids. We made it home safe after scouring a Walmart and a Target for Seahawks jerseys to no avail and picking up the kiddos from their cousins' house.
To cut to the chase and save you some unneeded details, Monday morning I decided to squelch my hunch and take a pregnancy test....
You guessed it. We're pregnant!
Can I be honest? My first thought was oh crap, only not crap... But the look on Joe's face when I told him... He was so excited, and I can't tell you how much that meant to me. When I tell this little one about his/her story, I will definitely be telling him/her about this precious moment.